"Hit Me Up"

I can't believe I actually said that. My only comfort is that I'm doing it in the process of making a point. What is the point? Here it is: If you ever use the phrase "hit me up"--whether it's in conversation, e-mails, text messages, whatever--please do the world a favor, and kill yourself.

Seriously. Do it. And do it soon. If your friends say it, take them with you. You should feel as stupid as Paris Hilton looking at a chart of the periodic elements.

People like you are a wart on the ass of life.

I'm not kidding. Go take a dirt nap.