Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Changing Addresses

From the desk of Dr. Richard Face...

October 18, 2006


It's my duty to inform all of you that Rob-Land is moving. Yes, the Wide World of Rob is moving to a new location. You will now find us at the MySpace page. Apparently, your boy Rob doesn't see any reason for maintaining two separate homes on the web.

Therefore, let it be known across the land that any new thoughts, comments, rants, jokes, and life updates related to the Robfather will henceforth be located at

Thank you...good day...and "peace in the Middle East"...

Dr. Richard Face

Sunday, October 15, 2006

My Beautiful Home

My beautiful Hawaii is being hit with earthquakes and rain today. The good news--and the only thing I really care about--is that my family and friends all seem to be okay.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Been A While, Huh?

Greetings and salutations...

It sure has been a while, huh? The Robfather celebrated a birthday, and there have been a few other things (and people) that have occupied the majority of my time.

I will be back by the end of the week, though. We'll have updates, we'll make fun of things, and we'll be sarcastic. It will be great.

Faithfully Yours,
Mr. Richard Face

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Mental Orgasm

Wanna know what makes me giddy like a girl who just got her first Giggle Stick? I'll tell ya.

I love it when a pretentious, narcissistic asswipe like Sean Penn releases a "serious" movie like "All The King's Men", and it bombs at the box office (7th this past weekend, with a WHOPPING $3.8 million take)...

...and a movie like "Jackass 2" rakes in $27 million.

Absolutely freakin' hilarious. I love it, I love it, I love it.

Of course, some people would say that these figures further prove that Americans are brainless. got me on that one. However, it also says that Americans go to the movies to be entertained, and not lectured to by pompous Hollywood actors.

Sean Penn, go away.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Oh, Go Away

Look, I like "Grey's Anatomy" as much as the next person. It's not my favorite show, by any means, but it is entertaining. That being said...

I'm having a hard time bringing myself to watch the show anymore. Whenever I'm watching TV, there will inevitably be at least one commercial advertising this week's episode of "Grey's Anatomy". What is my problem? I'll tell you.

They keep featuring THIS:

and they keep trying to convince me that she is sexy. She is vomitous. Look at her chest...look at her neck...:she" looks like an ugly Korean man who should get "her" money back for the bad sex change.

Hideous. Revolting. Repugnant.

And I'm forced to see commercial after commercial showing "her" taking her scrubs off and then throwing "her" lingerie-clad body on top of a doctor.

Yuck. Absolutely sick.

And I am rapidly losing interest in this show.

Sorry...someone had to say it. I know that many of you HAD to have thought about this once in a while, and I also know that many of you wouldn't say anything about it. I will. "She" is gross.

I'd say that you could use "her" so-called "sexy" scenes (I'm gonna yack...) as a reason to head into the kitchen for a snack, but I can't see anyone wanting to eat after seeing this "sexy" siren of the airwaves. (Oh, God, it's coming...) Seriously, if I'm forced to watch this "thing" on a weekly basis, they need to cast "her" in a show that's set in Antarctica. Thay way, "she" would always be covered with thick layers of clothing, gortex, and everything else producers can find.

If I see "her" remove "her" clothing one more time, I'm going to throw up.

And don't you dare try to send me pictures of "her" dancing naked in that "Blue Iguana" movie. I might get picked up for pedophilia or gay porn crimes by the government if "her" pictures ever find their way into my hard drive.

Time to vomit. Enjoy the day, folks.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Rob's Hawaii

Here's a shot from Hanalei Lookout, on the north side of Kauai...

Sweet, Sweet Love...

Straight from the personal ads on Craigslist, I present to you my latest "favorite personal ad of all-time":

You Stole My Vibrator - 25

You descended upon my house in a whirlwind of Jim Beam and errant-socks-in-the-backyard, and before I knew it, you were gone. Weeks later, you snickered: "P.S., I have your Trance vibrator."

That was my prized possession, imported from Japan.

You made a fool of me and a mockery of our friendship. Now I know better. I've got my eye on you.

(ROB NOTE: If I told you that this was a man complaining about another man, and that they both lived in San Francisco, you'd probably accuse me of making an "easy" joke. Well, it WAS a man complaining about another man, and they DO live in San Fran. I can't make this stuff up, folks.)

Use Your Head!

BRATISLAVA (Reuters) - A Slovak driver who crashed into a bus shocked rescuers who found him unconscious and half naked with a vacuum pump on his penis. Police said the 42-year-old man, driving an old Citroen in the Slovak town of Levice, had ignored a "give way" sign.

"It's very likely he had auto-sex while driving, it is a matter of investigation. After the accident he was found lying in the seat, his pants were off and it (the pump) was placed on his penis," police officer Peter Polak told Reuters.

"I've never seen anything like this, nor have my colleagues," he added.

(ROB NOTE: Here comes the "money shot", so to speak. I couldn't make this part of the story up...)

The man was taken to hospital with head injuries.

(Hi-Yoooo!!!!!! Good morning,'s 5:10!)


That sound you heard wasn’t a sonic was Katie Couric’s ratings as they re-entered the atmosphere from her debut. According to Nielsen…

Katie Couric's CBS 'EVENING NEWS' premiered with a 9.1 household, metered market rating and fell continuously thereafter: 9.1--7.0--6.5--4.9. Friday's household rating earned Katie third place...

Now disheartening must it be for CBS News and the guys who write the checks, to think that their $15 million show pony has sunk right back to where they were before, in just one week? And what will those same suits say when Katie starts falling behind the numbers that veteran backup QB Bob Schieffer pulled in a pinch for far, far, FAR less money?

Monday, September 11, 2006

Christmas in September???

Friends and acquaintances of mine know that I would NOT have a problem with Christmas in September...or anytime, for that matter. I love Christmas...and not just for the self-serving reason of wanting gifts, either. I just love the whole season. I love the "feeling", I love the music (and I have a TON of it), I love everything about it. Can't get enough of it. And thanks to a radio station in Utah, I can have it 24/7.

I received an e-mail from a long-time friend today and, along with a lot of other things, he included a link to a radio station in Salt Lake City that is playing nothing but Christmas music. I love it. I'm sitting here at work, and I am blasting this music.

I'm feeling good. Real good.

Interested? Click here: Christmas

Mahalo nui loa to Roger for the link!!!

Never, Ever Forget...

Let's all remember the innocent victims of the World Trade Center and Pentagon attacks. Five years ago, that carnage unified this country more than ever behind the principles of individual freedoms that this country was founded on.

God Bless us all.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Amazing Wildlife

This is an incredible story about an elephant's memory.

A young man was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college. While he was walking through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so the man approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot. There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.

As carefully and as gently as he could, he worked the thorn out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and, with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For a good ten minutes, the man stood frozen--thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned around, and walked away.

The man never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, the man was walking through the zoo with his teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to where they were standing at the rail. The large bull elephant stared at him and lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did this several times, all while staring at the man.

The man couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

After a while, it trumpeted loudly and continued to stare at him. The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder and amazement.

Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs, and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

There's Nothing More Beautiful...

...than people who age gracefully.

Wouldn't you agree?

Celebrate This Day!!!

There are "special days" out there like "Secretaries Day", "Caregivers Day", "Teachers Day", etc. However...I finally found a "day" that I care about. A "day" for the regular guy. A "day" worth celebrating.

Ladies and gentlemen, September 6th is......(no joke)......

Tuesday, September 05, 2006


I'm thinking that Steve "The Crocodile Hunter" Irwin's death was not an accident. No, my friends...I cannot be convinced that this was an accident. Something much more underhanded was in the works. guessed it: I'm thinking that this was a professional marine life "hit" perpetrated upon Mr. Irwin.

Most people (99.9%) would survive a stingray attack. This wasn't just any other "attack", though.

This piercing went right through the heart.

I don't know if Aquaman was involved. I don't know how long this was planned. I just feel like a group of undersea creatures got together and discussed all the things that Irwin did to them over the years. Sure...he was an environmentalist. I get that. Forget about the rescues, though. When you take those away and look at the rest of his TV work, you start to realize that he bothered the SHIT out of many wild animals.

For that reason, I believe this was an undersea mafia hit. The stingray was tasked with the job, and he delivered a bullseye shot to the heart.

Just one man's thought...